What car is that NFL player? NFC East edition

"Ross Kraz" (ropstafer) 09/04/2015 at 18:50 • Filed to: what car is that nfl player, what car is that player

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(I love cars. I love NFL football. Let’s combine the two and compare some star players to automobiles. In this post: teams of the NFC East )

Philadelphia Eagles

Darren Sproles, RB: Ken Block’s Ford Fiesta

Why? Want to see a tiny vehicle do something awesome on any paved surface? Watch the Gymhkana videos of rally driver Ken Block. It is 650 horsepower in a four wheel drive, 2,425 pound go-kart of a car. Want to see a tiny man do something awesome on a football field? Give this man the ball. Yes, the Eagles signed DeMarco Murray and Ryan Matthews this offseason. But don’t be mistaken; Sproles’ role in this offense is not diminished. Chip Kelly has wet dreams about guys like this. Darren Sproles is the off-speed pitch in a Cy Young winner’s bag of tricks. Fellow speedster and former teammate LeSean McCoy said in an interview last season that Sproles “has the quickest feet I’ve seen out of any player.” He’s so fast he makes fast people look...not fast. Bonus points to whoever understands that reference. (Photo credits: CBS Sports, Edmunds)

Riley Cooper, WR: The General Lee Dodge Charger from Dukes of Hazzard

Why? Cooper comes into 2015 as one of the Eagles top receiving targets. The Dodge Charger was one of the top selling muscle cars in 1969. Philadelphia has a high paced offense, leading the league in Plays per Game with (70.7) in 2014. Dukes of Hazzard was one of the early 1980’s highest rated TV shows. That doesn’t change the fact that Riley Cooper and the General Lee are both racist. However, wherea the car simply has a painted-on symbol of racism and therefore can’t really be blamed for its actions, Cooper flat out said “I will fight every n***** here!” while at a Kenny Chesney concert. Who else would it be if not Kenny Chesney? (Photo credits: USA Today, Rolling Stone)

Washington (speaking of racism) Redskins

Robert Griffin III, QB: Edsel

Why? So much hype. Ford was so confident in its new Edsel line, which was supposed to bridge the market gap between Ford and Lincoln, that they burned through millions of dollars in development and marketing. The also successfully shifted Lincoln upmarket with the release of the Continental. The Edsel hit dealer lots and that’s where it stayed. It is estimated that Ford lost approximately $400 million on the project. In 2012, Washington traded three 1st round picks and a 2nd rounder to get the 2nd overall pick from the Rams and select Robert Griffin III out of Baylor. In the end of a rookie campaign that included a 102.2 passer rating, a 4:1 touchdown to interception ratio, and a playoff berth, disaster struck in the form of an LCL tear. Griffin has not had consistent success since before his injury and enters the 2015 regular season as a backup to Kirk Cousins. (Photo credits: NFLRush.com, CNN)

Pierre Garcon, WR: Renault Megane RS

Why? Pierre Garcon may actually be Haitian, but his name is so French that my keyboard can’t type it properly and most Americans still can’t say it right. Most Americans, with exception to gearheads, probably can’t pronounce “Renault”, either because it isn’t available stateside. Besides their awesome names, he has a couple other things in common with the Megane. For starters, he has beaten all odds coming from division III powerhouse Mount Union and becoming a star in the NFL. In his second season (2013) with the ‘Skins, he caught 113 passes for 1,346 yards. And that brings me to the next commonality: the coaches probably don’t know what a Renault Megane RS is and they CERTAINLY don’t remember that Garcon is on their team. Last year, he had just 47 catches. You guys have a superstar, stop forgetting to use him. (Photo credits: CBS Sports, Renault)

New York Giants

Eli Manning, QB: Dodge Omni

Why? With the exception of price, these two have quite a bit in common. When it was released in 1978, the Omni had high sales numbers and was given Motortrend ’s prestigious Car of the Year award. Manning — with the help of fantastic defenses, no doubt — somehow managed to win two Super Bowls. Eventually, people started to notice that the Omni was just another average crap-can small American car. With Eli’s career passer rating at 82.4, people have begun to realize that Eli Manning just another average noodle-armed quarterback. (Photo credits: Rant Sports, Allpar)

Odell Beckham, Jr., WR: Nissan GTR

Why? OBJ is one of the top fantasy prospects this year after a 1,305 yard/12 touchdown rookie season in 2014. If there’s one thing the Giants need, it’s wide receivers that will make Eli Manning look good (David Tyree). Beckham has the skills to do exactly that. The most extreme case, is his hands, which have enough grip to haul in the most mind-bending catch in recent NFL history. The GTR— or Godzilla , as it is known because of it’s superior handling — is pretty grippy, too. It was measured at 1.06g on Motortrend ’s skid pad. (Photo credits: CBS Sports, Car and Driver)

Dallas Cowboys

Darren McFadden, RB: Triumph TR6

Why? McFadden came out of Arkansas as a highly decorated (2 time Heismann runner-up, Doak Walker and Jim Brown Award winner) running back in 2008. He was anticipated as the next great NFL back, with a deadly combination of quickness and power. The TR6 had all the right pieces as well (British, convertible, lightweight, and a straight six that made 150 ponies). These two both fell victim to what surrounded the good. First, the TR6 was hurt by it’s boxier appearance when it followed the Michelotti designed TR5. McFadden stood little chance once he put on the cursed Raiders uniform. Second, as most British car owners can attest to, the TR6 build quality was questionable at best. You were more likely to spend the weekend wrenching than cruising. The same goes for McFadden, who has been hampered by injuries. 2014 was his only season where he played all 16 games, and that was more attributed to Maurice Jones-Drew taking a bulk of the carries. (Photo credits: Sports World Report, How Stuff Works)

Dez Bryant, WR: Batman Tumbler

Why? Bryant has become arguably the leagues most dominant receiving target. With high strength and a vertical leap of 42.5 inches, it’s no surprise that he has had over 1,200 yards and 12 touchdowns in each of his last three seasons. There is no better vehicle to describe his athletic ability than a high speed tank that can blow through walls and jump over buildings. Did I mention it also has the tendency to self-destruct? (Photo credits: CBS Sports, Cinekatz)

BONUS Tony Romo, QB: Audi R8 with an automatic transmission

Why? Romo is one of today’s great quarterbacks, with impressive stats (2nd in league history in passer rating and TD-to-INT ratio) that can match the R8 (430 base horsepower and 0-60 in 4.4 seconds). But, with only six playoff games and a record of 2-4, he just isn’t clutch. (Photo credits: CBS, Cars.com)

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > Ross Kraz 09/04/2015 at 18:59

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Awww yeah. Darren Sproles is my favorite RB.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > Ross Kraz 09/04/2015 at 19:16

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My home team is well represented with a Ken Block Fiesta and General Lee!

Also, nice manual transmission pun at the end.

Cash Rewards > Ross Kraz 09/04/2015 at 20:13

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I call bs on Manning having receivers make him look good. Look at all the “good” receivers and tight ends who have left (Tyree, kevin boss, manningham, hakeem nicks, etc) and name one who was even decent without Manning throwing him passes

eNJYneer311 > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 13:51

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Makes sense, Romo in the playoffs is Audi and rather quickly too.

SnapUndersteer, Italian Spiderman > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 13:58

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fucking gold.

As a Giants fan, you’re almost spot-on

blpppt (Pat D.) > Van Man, rocks the Man Van 09/16/2015 at 14:03

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..except that even automatics have clutches....

Party Pooper, signing off.

504gumbocrawfish > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 14:08

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Why isn’t Alfred Morris a Mazda 626?

SomeGuyFromTO > eNJYneer311 09/16/2015 at 14:12

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damn. even as a cowboys fan I have to applaud that

Ross Kraz > 504gumbocrawfish 09/16/2015 at 14:14

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What's your reasoning?

504gumbocrawfish > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 14:27

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Not flashy, gets the job done, runs forever with rarely any days in the shop, and it’s pretty well documented about Morris and his love of the car.

Ross Kraz > 504gumbocrawfish 09/16/2015 at 14:34

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Wow I totally forgot about that story, good call. But I think of Morris as a much more capable runner than a bland 626. He’d be more like an RX-7 on his good days.

RobJem > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 14:38

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“...with the help of fantastic defenses, no doubt...”

2011 Giants Offense - 9th in points scored, 5th in passing yards per game.

2011 Giants Defense - 25th in points allowed, 27th in yards allowed.

zetec duratec ECOTEC > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 14:40

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>Tony Romo isn’t clutch

>Tony Romo leads the league in 4th-quarter comebacks (28)

Welp, there goes all your credibility.

504gumbocrawfish > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 14:42

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Honestly, I think he’d be a 626 with a Mercedes OM617 engine swap.

Ross Kraz > RobJem 09/16/2015 at 14:43

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2011: +7 turnover ratio in the regular season (7th in the NFL), and +6 turnover ratio in the postseason alone. 3rd in sacks at 48 in regular season, 1st in postseason with 11.

Ross Kraz > zetec duratec ECOTEC 09/16/2015 at 14:46

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He definitely doesn't lead the league, even among active players...

RobJem > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 14:57

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Turnover ratio has two factors. The Giants offense committed one turnover in 4 postseason games.

There’s no argument that a defense that is 25th in points allowed was “fantastic”. And certainly no argument that they carried Eli Manning that year when his TD/INT ratio was 29/16 and the offense turned the ball over exactly once in the playoffs.

AWD E30 > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 15:50

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“Leads the league” = active players. “All time leader” = all players ever.

That spreadsheet is now 3 shy of his current total of 28.

He’s piled up those 28 in 84 fewer starts. Take comeback wins per start to control for sample size and he’s ahead by a mile.

Percentage of starts ending in a Q4 comeback:

Romo: 22.8% (28/124)

- Manning: 19.7% (41/208)

Brady: 16.8% (35/208)

Obviously he’s a Porsche 907. Incredible car, super high performance, CLUTCH, but never won at Le Mans.

Ross Kraz > AWD E30 09/16/2015 at 16:12

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HAHA I like it. But there have been quite a few blunders over the years that a) kept them out of the playoffs or b) got them eliminated from the playoffs. At the end of the day, I'm actually a fan of Romo and I'm just making a joke.

AWD E30 > Ross Kraz 09/16/2015 at 17:57

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Sore spot for all Cowboys fans.

I think Mike said it best this week. http://dal.247sports.com/Bolt/WATCH-Mic…

August Feldner > RobJem 09/16/2015 at 18:29

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Completion percentage by opposing QBs during that playoff run

Matt Ryan 58.5% (and the Falcons only scored a safety)

Aaron Rodgers 56% (and sadly was the top rusher for the Packers in that game with 66 yards)

Alex Smith 46% ( 9 of his 12 completions only tallied 84 yards and even with that it took overtime)

Tom Brady 65.8% (it took the Pats succumbing to unrivaled pressure and a helmet out of the ass catch from a guy who didn’t even deserve to be playing in the league to get that win)

The defense played fantastically during the playoffs and without it Derp Master Manning would have been throwing picks like a drunk Brett Favre. Don’t claim Eli carried you just because he didn’t shit the bed as usual.

Moreoral Compass > Ross Kraz 09/17/2015 at 00:28

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One dimensional defenses aren’t fantastic. The Ravens had a fantastic defense in 2001.

Eli Manning is a good QB when he has a decent line in front of him. He hasn’t had that since he won his second Super Bowl MVP award. No QB is going to be lights out with a bad O-line.

Moreoral Compass > August Feldner 09/17/2015 at 00:29

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The defense did play at an extremely high level that post season. What do you call the offense giving the ball up ONCE in 4 games? You know Eli is the guy that throws the ball right?

August Feldner > Moreoral Compass 09/17/2015 at 01:33

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I’d call that an anomaly, an aberration, an incongruity or to be more precise I’d just call it a goddamn miracle.

Eli’s carrer passer rating is 70.6, Jake Dellhome has a career rating of 81.6.

Now that is an offensive line.

BigJ1288 > Ross Kraz 09/17/2015 at 07:17

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Extremely solid longest yard reference about Nelly’s slave feet.

Also Romo should be an ambulance, Because you either die with him behind the wheel or miraculously make it to the hospital just in time

Ross Kraz > BigJ1288 09/17/2015 at 09:58

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That actually sounds like a better fit for Matt Ryan.

RobJem > August Feldner 09/17/2015 at 10:18

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I’m not quite sure how the performance of the defense prevented Eli Manning from throwing INTs. Those are separate units. Not a whole lot of logic in that.

And the helmet catch was in the Super Bowl after the 2007 season, not 2011, so you clearly don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.

zetec duratec ECOTEC > Ross Kraz 09/17/2015 at 11:19

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He leads the league since 2006, which is when he first started.

And he leads by percentage of games played.

August Feldner > RobJem 09/17/2015 at 12:25

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I was wrong about the year David Tyree made the helmet catch, so obviously I don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.

“I’m not quite sure how the performance of the defense prevented Eli Manning from throwing INTs. Those are separate units. Not a whole lot of logic in that.”

If you honestly believe that, you know absolutely nothing about football.

RobJem > August Feldner 09/17/2015 at 13:23

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If that’s your opinion, so be it. Have a great day.

August Feldner > RobJem 09/17/2015 at 14:16

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Same to you. Hope your day is super!